2022
Time to get the kids off screens and doing more Activities
It used to be a teenage problem: There are so many reasons why you should limit your kids screen time, they could fill a book (and probably have). Across the western world, obesity is on the rise, mental health correlations between depression, anxiety and amount of screen time are strong.
There are so many reasons why you should limit your kids screen time, they could fill a book (and probably have). Across the western world, obesity is on the rise, mental health correlations between depression, anxiety and amount of screen time are strong. Optometrists are seeing a pandemic of short-sightedness in children. Physios and chiros are seeing postural issues arise in young children. Teachers are pulling their hair out trying to engage over-stimulated kids. And experienced PE teachers are horrified at the lack of physical capability of some kids who can’t do the most basic gross motor skills such as throw or catch a ball, jump a skipping rope, or run more than 20 meters.
The good news is, no matter how bad those screen time habits have become, they can be paired back. The human body and brain are incredibly flexible, and it is never too late to start encouraging a healthier life-tech balance.
So, where to start? Make a time to sit down with your kids and have a heart-to-heart chat to them. Tell them that it’s time to start new routines around their screen time so that they have a better balance. If you’re really brave, a complete week of detox from screens could be an option. It’s hard for the first couple of days but then you won’t recognise your kids! For most people, however, a gradual approach works really well.
Before we go any further, know this. When having these conversations with your kids, it is critical that you involve the kids in the discussion and that you listen to their objections and ideas. They are much more likely to co-operate if you incorporate their suggestions. Be prepared to compromise.
There are so many reasons why you should limit your kids screen time, they could fill a book (and probably have). Across the western world, obesity is on the rise, mental health correlations between depression, anxiety and amount of screen time are strong. Optometrists are seeing a pandemic of short-sightedness in children. Physios and chiros are seeing postural issues arise in young children. Teachers are pulling their hair out trying to engage over-stimulated kids. And experienced PE teachers are horrified at the lack of physical capability of some kids who can’t do the most basic gross motor skills such as throw or catch a ball, jump a skipping rope, or run more than 20 meters.
The good news is, no matter how bad those screen time habits have become, they can be paired back. The human body and brain are incredibly flexible, and it is never too late to start encouraging a healthier life-tech balance.
So, where to start? Make a time to sit down with your kids and have a heart-to-heart chat to them. Tell them that it’s time to start new routines around their screen time so that they have a better balance. If you’re really brave, a complete week of detox from screens could be an option. It’s hard for the first couple of days but then you won’t recognise your kids! For most people, however, a gradual approach works really well.
Before we go any further, know this. When having these conversations with your kids, it is critical that you involve the kids in the discussion and that you listen to their objections and ideas. They are much more likely to co-operate if you incorporate their suggestions. Be prepared to compromise.
So, what does “better balance” even mean?
Non-screen-activities that all kids should be doing every day fall into the following categories:
Physical Activity a healthy amount of physical activity (minimum 1 hour per day active time including some time outside), such as kicking a ball around, riding a scooter or bike, swimming, skipping.
Creative Pursuits such as Lego, writing, playing an instrument, role playing, drawing, dress-ups.
Helping Around The House, age-appropriate chores, and responsibilities so kids are contributing to the running of the home. Family time, such as having dinner together.
Brainstorm activities that come under each category and write everything down to stick up on your fridge so that when their screen time is up, they won’t be constantly nagging you because they don’t know what to do with themselves.
HERE ARE SOME FUN ACTIVITY IDEAS
| Children Aged 2-8 Years Old | Children Aged 8-12 Years Old |
|---|---|
| Jump on the trampoline | Go for a bike ride |
| Dance to their favourite 3 songs | Go rollerblading or skateboarding |
| Play outside with toys or sandpit | Practice a sport |
| Play with a big ball | Walk to school |
| Listen to an audiobook for 15 mins | Walk the dog |
| Read or look through a picture book | Listen to an audiobook or podcast |
| Play a musical instrument | Read a book or magazine |
| Drawing or painting | Play a musical instrument |
| Play a board or card game | Play a board game |
| Jigsaw puzzle | Do homework |
| Dress ups | Dancing and singing |
| Blocks or Lego | Bake cupcakes |
| Water play | Play with a younger sibling |
| Singing nursery rhymes | Jigsaw puzzle |
| Play-Doh | Arts and crafts |
| Play with pets | Play with a friend |
Next, come up with a routine that you can stick to. Again, ask for their input. What time should screens be put away at night? See what they suggest – you might be surprised! Then write it down.
Here’s what your routines might look like:
- No screens after 8pm.
- Sunday morning before 2pm, family time, no screens.
- On any given day, 1 hour of screen time and then 1 hour of non-screen activity before they can go back on.
- No screens at the dinner table.
Ask your kids for ideas about how to manage this, write it down and get them to sign it. Then offer a reward at the end of 2 weeks for sticking to this – a family movie or other outing, a new game they want, whatever you think would be a great incentive.
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Screen Coaching And Why Kids Need It
Screen Coaching our kids needs to start at a young age and it’s vital for their development and screen time behavior that they learn the 5 E’s – Education, Empowerment, Empathy, Emotional Intelligence and Enjoyment.
Screen Coaching is a way to educate and empower our kids and young people to healthily manage their screen time. The goal is for them to learn how to balance their own screen time with other activities such as physical activity, helping out around the home, family and social time, homework, and non-screen fun! We have created the 5 E’s of Screen Coaching – Education, Empowerment, Empathy, Emotional Intelligence and Enjoyment.
You are probably most familiar with the term “coaching” from the sporting context. Sports coaches show athletes how to improve their skills, fitness, and technique. They offer guidelines, programs, and strategies for the athletes to follow. When the time comes for the athlete to perform, the coach does not perform for them – they sit back and watch, and it is the athlete who has the responsibility for his or her own performance on the day.
As a parent, it is not our role to control our kids. In fact, there is data to show that kids who are told what to do by their parents (“my house, my rules”) are the ones who rebel as they get older.
Yes, boundaries and rules are important and necessary, however, it is our role to offer them education and options as they grow – to teach them how to self-parent – so that when you’re not around they can look after themselves – just as the sporting coaches don’t take to the field themselves.
There are five key E’s to effectively Screen Coaching for your kids.
1) Education
Teach your kids about the importance of balancing screen time with other activities for optimal mental and physical health – being happy and healthy.
In order to have a great life, there are certain developmental things that we need to have in childhood.
- Unstructured imaginary play helps our creative and social brains develop optimally for future learning capacity.
- Physical developmental play – climbing, running, jumping, playing with balls, and generally using our bodies. This helps so many areas of our brain development, and also includes healthy eyesight.
- Good nutrition, exercise, and getting enough sleep are also critical for our wellbeing at any age. Good quality sleep is impacted by too much screen time, and kids should stop using any device at least an hour before sleep.
It is also useful to explain to your kids that screen time releases a chemical in your brain – called Dopamine – which makes them feel really excited and want more and more. Gaming and entertainment companies spend millions of dollars on professionals to advise them exactly the right amount of dopamine “hits” to offer to make the games maximally engaging – even addictive.
2) Empowerment
If you don’t already have set routines or rules around screen time, these are a really good idea. Perhaps you’ve done this in the past, but it’s been forgotten and needs to be revisited.
Ask your kids for suggestions and input into their own screen time. Research suggests kids are far more likely to co-operate and stick with rules they have helped create.
Ask your child how long they will be on screens before they have a break. Encourage them to set a timer to remind them to have a break. Sit down with them and write up a schedule – perhaps 1 hour of screens and 2 hours doing other things, then another hour of screen time. They may prefer to use all their time in one go and then do other things for the rest of the day. Collaboration results in co-operation!
The beauty of ScreenCoach is that it can be completely customised for each individual child who can manage their screen time as it suits them.
3) Empathy
Spend some time with your kids while they are playing with their devices. Kids are much more likely to listen to your guidance if they know you understand what they love about screen time. Empathise with them about how difficult it is to get off and transition to something else that seems so dull and boring in comparison. Share with them how you find it difficult to moderate your own screen time too at times if that is the case.
“I know it’s really fun and all your friends are playing, but it’s also really important for you to do other things.”
You can also help them to develop empathy for you as a parent, by sharing how difficult it is for you to be constantly nagging and telling them to finish up. “I don’t like it when there’s all this tension between us – how can we find a way that is easier for us both?”
4) Emotional Intelligence
Emotional awareness is critical in helping kids self-manage their screen time as they get older. Particularly when playing intense games, kids can become over-emotional, and tantrums and meltdowns can be extreme in some cases. The ideal scenario is for a child to be aware of what causes these outbursts and to prevent them.
If your child has a meltdown, comfort them and allow them the time and space to calm down.
Never try and reason or talk to your child when they are very upset. Later on, after they have calmed down, ask them what that was like for them. Chances are that they didn’t like it! Ask them what they think caused it and how we can prevent it from happening in the future. Perhaps they need to stop playing that particular game and find other games to play that are less intense. Perhaps they only play that game for a short time and then stop.
A similar process can be used for a child who is extra tired and irritable after not getting enough sleep or from spending too much time watching YouTube or whatever. Ask them how they are feeling and if they would prefer to feel happier and brighter – and what could they do differently next time. Our goal is to support kids to learn about their own screen tolerance and to understand how the use of devices impacts the way they are feeling.
5) Enjoyment
Ultimately, kids (and adults!) love the enjoyment that screen time offers. It’s great to discuss with your kids exactly what they love about different aspects of screen time: the social aspects of playing and chatting with friends online; the challenging aspects of certain games; the fun of being creative and mastering new gaming skills; learning offline skills via educational content.
When devices are over-used and there is no balance, screentime becomes less enjoyable and there is more likelihood of poor mental and physical health, reduced educational outcomes and general feelings of irritation and malaise – which is no fun!
We want to encourage and maximise all the fun, joy, and benefits that come with device use when combined with a healthy balance of other activities.
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How To Do A Complete Screen Detox And Keep Your Sanity Intact!
Is it time for your kids to have a screen detox? If you’re willing to give it a try, we’ve detailed how you can do it and keep your sanity, just taking screens away will certainly cause a tech tantrum.
You know that too much screen time is making your child irritable, moody, and unable to concentrate on other tasks. You’re feeling guilty and worried about how screens are impacting their health and development. It may be time for a complete break before re-introducing with more strict rules. Many parents are considering doing a complete screen detox – but are scared about how they’ll manage it and whether it will be worth the effort.
For the sake of full disclosure, we’ve only ever done a complete screen detox with my son once when he was about 8. It was for a week. After the second day, I recall him saying that he could literally feel his brain unwinding from the intensity of the games he had been playing. We are super fortunate in that our kids seem to be able to tolerate a fair amount of screen time without being rude or having meltdowns. When I can see we need to peg it back though, our kids are pretty good at co-operating as they know they feel better with a healthy balance. And we’re lucky to be using ScreenCoach to help manage this.
However, many kids aren’t able to tolerate more than a very limited amount of screen time and a complete detox is a great way to reset their brains. Here are some commonly asked questions and my answers to reassure you that a couple of weeks (or months!) screen free will be worth it.
How long until they stop asking for their devices?
It depends on their age and the story you tell them. I am someone who likes to be completely honest with my kids, however, I have heard many parents unplug the TV or put the iPad away and tell their little ones that it is broken. I can definitely see the argument for that explanation to make the adjustment easier. With older kids, I think it is helpful to explain exactly why you’re putting the screens away and be prepared to stay strong when they beg for them to be returned. It is important to keep them out of sight though to not add to the temptation, the same way you wouldn’t keep chocolate in the house if you’re trying to stay off it.
From the families I have spoken to, the first 2 to 3 days is the hardest and then the kids stop asking as they develop new off-screen habits.
How can I make the transition easiest on them?
The best advice is to be prepared with plenty of activities outside of the home, especially in those first two or three days. Take the kids on outings and plan things they can do when you get home. Spend time with them and arrange screen free play dates with friends in the short term as they adjust. If they are older, they can make a list of things they can do to keep themselves occupied. Then gradually allow them to be bored and become creative. Imaginary and creative, unstructured play is critical for healthy brain development. And this can only happen in the absence of other stimuli.
How do you deal with the crying?
Keeping the kids engaged in activities helps enormously. If your kids do cry or get angry and demand the screen, be patient and empathetic and allow them to express themselves. Comfort them and allow them the time they need, then gently redirect them to something else they love to do. Being physically active helps emotions move through the body effectively.
How long until their behaviour improves?
Parents report a marked change in kids’ behaviour around 2-3 days after taking the screens away, sometimes even sooner. One lady said her kids became significantly more calm, patient, and helpful after just two days. Talk to your kids about how they’re feeling and help them to realise the benefits of the exercise.
How and when should I reintroduce screens?
Kids need time to realise they can thrive without screens, and I would recommend at least 2 weeks screen free before considering introducing them again with strict time limits. A month is even better, and you might consider not introducing them again at all for toddlers or younger children. Then introduce them slowly with strict limits using a tool like ScreenCoach to help keep them on track so they don’t end up creeping into every aspect of your life again.
Good luck with it and let us know how you go – come and join our FB group ‘Family Screen Time Strategies’ or support and to share your experience to encourage others.
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Are you a parent who’s addicted to your phone?
If you’re a parent who is addicted to your phone you could be affecting your relationship with your kids and additionally teaching them bad habits.
“Help! I’m addicted to my phone and it’s damaging my relationship with my kids.”
Here at ScreenCoach, we are developing a product to help kids manage their screen time, but we often hear people ask, “Does it work with adults too?” The answer is yes, absolutely!
So many of us are obsessed with our phones! For me personally, I have most notifications on my phone turned off. However, the temptation to check my phone is endless… What’s the weather going to be like tomorrow? Do I have any meetings this afternoon? What’s on TV tonight? Did someone just message me? Let me take a photo of that! We need bananas – better add that to the shopping list app… it goes on and on…
Not only does it impact our ability to be present with our kids (and others), many parents are also concerned about their role modelling. After all, kids do as we do, not as we say.
Screens have literally taken over our lives and impacted our ability to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. Johann Hari discusses this in his book “Stolen Focus – Why You Can’t Pay Attention”. He says, “Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen.”
So how do we get it back?
In addition to installing ScreenCoach when it becomes available, here are a few tips to help you to put your phone away and be more connected with your kids.
The first thing is to acknowledge that the urge to pick up your phone is a habit that will probably take a bit of time to break. Our brains have become accustomed to constantly shifting from one task to another, and it is uncomfortable to stay with one thing! But with persistence and practice you can do it.
Have some rules that you stick to each day. For example, no phone at the dinner table or while driving, while spending 1-1 time with your child reading to them or putting them to bed. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask your child to remind you if you forget or stray from the rules.
Next, consider turning off all notifications and alerts on your phone except the ones that are necessary. There’s nothing more distracting than having your phone pinging and dinging and lighting up constantly, it’s very hard to ignore. It would be akin to a chocolate cake calling out, “eat me, eat me”! If you have anyone in your life who expects you to be on call for them 24/7, let them know that when you’re with your kids you will be putting your phone away and will be in touch with them when you pick it up again. Set firm boundaries for work and make it clear that you will not be checking emails and messages outside work hours unless there are exceptional circumstances. Another suggestion is to delete the social media apps off your phone to avoid the temptation of constantly checking them. Set aside a half hour or an hour at night when the kids are in bed to check your socials on your computer. If you’ve done these things and are still tempted to pick up your phone, during certain times of the day, put your phone away so it’s out of sight – in another room or a drawer. To use the chocolate cake analogy again, keeping your phone handy and trying not to look at it is like having a delicious chocolate cake on your kitchen counter and trying not to eat it – it’s a constant temptation that makes things more difficult!
Remember that it will take some time to retrain your brain so you might like to start slow with decoupling from your phone – perhaps half an hour or an hour at first and then and build it up. Good luck!
A final note: If you find parenting difficult and triggering, and recognise that you are using your phone as a coping mechanism, you are not alone! There is nothing wrong with you. The adage, “it takes a village to raise a child” is true, and yet so many parents, particularly mothers, are doing it alone – often while working as well! – and it can be really tough. Seek help and support where possible, from friends and family or professional help if necessary. Your kids will benefit from it – and you will also be thankful when your kids grow up that they know how to interact with the real world outside of a device!
Steph
Stephanie Kakris has a Masters in Psychology and is a published parenting author. She is the co-founder of ScreenCoach, a combined hardware and software platform where kids are allocated a set amount of screen time, and after their time is up, they need to go and complete activities such as exercise, chores or non-screen play to earn more time before they can resume. Find out more at www.myscreencoach.com
By Stephanie Kakris has a Masters in Psychology and is a published parenting author. She is the co-founder of ScreenCoach, a combined hardware and software platform where kids are allocated a set amount of screen time, and after their time is up, they need to go and complete activities such as exercise, chores or non-screen play to earn more time before they can resume. Find out more at www.myscreencoach.com
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Managing Screen Time on Holidays
With extra time at home over the school holidays, how do you plan on managing the kids screentime? Here are our thoughts on navigating this.
Picture this . . . You’ve rented a holiday home with another family for a much-needed holiday. The sun is shining, the beach is just up the road. Instead of enjoying the surroundings, the 5 kids just want to sit around the house and play on their phones or laptops. Sometimes they play together, but they often play separately too. You suggest that they put the games away and head down the beach. All that you hear is whining and “the beach is boring, why would we want to do that?” “There’s nothing to do down there.” You wonder why you even bothered going away and spending the money. You allow that to go on for a while… and then you put your foot down and confiscate all devices. The kids whine even more now. “I’m bored … we have nothing to do”. You respond, “I didn’t pay all this money for us to have a holiday and for you to sit on your devices all day!”
“Well, we didn’t ask you to,” they reply.
Argh!
The key to managing screen time over the holidays is open and honest communication with your kids… And planning ahead. After they’ve finished school and had a couple of days R&R, sit down, and have a chat with them. Explain to them that they won’t be spending all day every day on their devices and ask them to come up with a list of screen free things they can do. You may be happy to allow them to use their screens if they are using a YouTube video to follow a recipe to bake something or following an art tutorial to do a painting.
Make sure you include things you can do as a family, things they can do on their own, and things they could invite friends to do from creative activities, physical activity, chores, etc. The best plan is to come up with a routine which you can all stick to, for example, they can be on screens every morning until 11 and then again from 7:30 – 9pm. Whatever suits your family best. It’s important to ask the kids for their input and have them feel like they’re setting the rules rather than you. This will help greatly with their willingness to co-operate.
If you’re going on holiday, ask them what they would like to do. Many Australians holiday at the beach, so plan ahead by borrowing or buying a simple beach cricket set, a boogie board, skimming balls, bucket, and spade for younger kids. For indoor activities, borrow a large jigsaw that everyone can help with, board games, chess, books, activity books, card games. Again, ask them what they would like to bring – if they choose, they are more likely to embrace it. Get the kids involved in making the snacks and meals and clearing up. Get them into the habit of chatting during mealtime. Click here to read our list of conversation starters at the dinner table. 10 conversation starters for the dinner table
It’s important that you have a holiday too, so if allowing the kids to be on screens each morning while you have some rest and quiet time for yourself works for you, then do that.
However, if you’re really brave, you might like to leave all the devices at home. The kids will most likely protest and beg you to bring them, but you’ll be amazed at how quickly the kids will adjust and make their own fun. The kids we spoke to when designing ScreenCoach recognised how dependent they were on their devices and were actually grateful when their parents took them away, even though it was a tough adjustment at first. The kids may even thank you for being strong at the end of the holiday as they realise how much fun is to be had without the constant allure of screens!
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