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January 2022

family time app

Are you a parent who’s addicted to your phone?

Leave a Comment / Devices, Educational/School, Parental Support, Screen Time Hacks /

phone-addicted

If you’re a parent who is addicted to your phone you could be affecting your relationship with your kids and additionally teaching them bad habits.

“Help! I’m addicted to my phone and it’s damaging my relationship with my kids.”

Here at ScreenCoach, we are developing a product to help kids manage their screen time, but we often hear people ask, “Does it work with adults too?” The answer is yes, absolutely!

So many of us are obsessed with our phones! For me personally, I have most notifications on my phone turned off. However, the temptation to check my phone is endless… What’s the weather going to be like tomorrow? Do I have any meetings this afternoon? What’s on TV tonight? Did someone just message me? Let me take a photo of that! We need bananas – better add that to the shopping list app… it goes on and on…

Not only does it impact our ability to be present with our kids (and others), many parents are also concerned about their role modelling. After all, kids do as we do, not as we say.

Screens have literally taken over our lives and impacted our ability to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. Johann Hari discusses this in his book “Stolen Focus – Why You Can’t Pay Attention”. He says, “Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen.”

So how do we get it back?

In addition to installing ScreenCoach when it becomes available, here are a few tips to help you to put your phone away and be more connected with your kids.

The first thing is to acknowledge that the urge to pick up your phone is a habit that will probably take a bit of time to break. Our brains have become accustomed to constantly shifting from one task to another, and it is uncomfortable to stay with one thing! But with persistence and practice you can do it.

Have some rules that you stick to each day. For example, no phone at the dinner table or while driving, while spending 1-1 time with your child reading to them or putting them to bed. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask your child to remind you if you forget or stray from the rules.

Next, consider turning off all notifications and alerts on your phone except the ones that are necessary. There’s nothing more distracting than having your phone pinging and dinging and lighting up constantly, it’s very hard to ignore. It would be akin to a chocolate cake calling out, “eat me, eat me”! If you have anyone in your life who expects you to be on call for them 24/7, let them know that when you’re with your kids you will be putting your phone away and will be in touch with them when you pick it up again. Set firm boundaries for work and make it clear that you will not be checking emails and messages outside work hours unless there are exceptional circumstances. Another suggestion is to delete the social media apps off your phone to avoid the temptation of constantly checking them. Set aside a half hour or an hour at night when the kids are in bed to check your socials on your computer. If you’ve done these things and are still tempted to pick up your phone, during certain times of the day, put your phone away so it’s out of sight – in another room or a drawer. To use the chocolate cake analogy again, keeping your phone handy and trying not to look at it is like having a delicious chocolate cake on your kitchen counter and trying not to eat it – it’s a constant temptation that makes things more difficult!

Remember that it will take some time to retrain your brain so you might like to start slow with decoupling from your phone – perhaps half an hour or an hour at first and then and build it up. Good luck!

A final note: If you find parenting difficult and triggering, and recognise that you are using your phone as a coping mechanism, you are not alone! There is nothing wrong with you. The adage, “it takes a village to raise a child” is true, and yet so many parents, particularly mothers, are doing it alone – often while working as well! – and it can be really tough. Seek help and support where possible, from friends and family or professional help if necessary. Your kids will benefit from it – and you will also be thankful when your kids grow up that they know how to interact with the real world outside of a device!

Steph

Stephanie Kakris has a Masters in Psychology and is a published parenting author. She is the co-founder of ScreenCoach, a combined hardware and software platform where kids are allocated a set amount of screen time, and after their time is up, they need to go and complete activities such as exercise, chores or non-screen play to earn more time before they can resume. Find out more at www.myscreencoach.com

By Stephanie Kakris has a Masters in Psychology and is a published parenting author. She is the co-founder of ScreenCoach, a combined hardware and software platform where kids are allocated a set amount of screen time, and after their time is up, they need to go and complete activities such as exercise, chores or non-screen play to earn more time before they can resume. Find out more at www.myscreencoach.com

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Managing Screen Time on Holidays

Devices, Kids 13+ Years Old, Kids 6-8 Years Old, Kids 9-12 Years Old, Screen Coaching Tips, Screen Time Hacks /

With extra time at home over the school holidays, how do you plan on managing the kids screentime? Here are our thoughts on navigating this.

Picture this . . . You’ve rented a holiday home with another family for a much-needed holiday. The sun is shining, the beach is just up the road. Instead of enjoying the surroundings, the 5 kids just want to sit around the house and play on their phones or laptops. Sometimes they play together, but they often play separately too. You suggest that they put the games away and head down the beach. All that you hear is whining and “the beach is boring, why would we want to do that?” “There’s nothing to do down there.” You wonder why you even bothered going away and spending the money. You allow that to go on for a while… and then you put your foot down and confiscate all devices. The kids whine even more now. “I’m bored … we have nothing to do”. You respond, “I didn’t pay all this money for us to have a holiday and for you to sit on your devices all day!”

“Well, we didn’t ask you to,” they reply.

Argh!

The key to managing screen time over the holidays is open and honest communication with your kids… And planning ahead. After they’ve finished school and had a couple of days R&R, sit down, and have a chat with them. Explain to them that they won’t be spending all day every day on their devices and ask them to come up with a list of screen free things they can do. You may be happy to allow them to use their screens if they are using a YouTube video to follow a recipe to bake something or following an art tutorial to do a painting.

Make sure you include things you can do as a family, things they can do on their own, and things they could invite friends to do from creative activities, physical activity, chores, etc. The best plan is to come up with a routine which you can all stick to, for example, they can be on screens every morning until 11 and then again from 7:30 – 9pm. Whatever suits your family best. It’s important to ask the kids for their input and have them feel like they’re setting the rules rather than you. This will help greatly with their willingness to co-operate.

If you’re going on holiday, ask them what they would like to do. Many Australians holiday at the beach, so plan ahead by borrowing or buying a simple beach cricket set, a boogie board, skimming balls, bucket, and spade for younger kids. For indoor activities, borrow a large jigsaw that everyone can help with, board games, chess, books, activity books, card games. Again, ask them what they would like to bring – if they choose, they are more likely to embrace it. Get the kids involved in making the snacks and meals and clearing up. Get them into the habit of chatting during mealtime. Click here to read our list of conversation starters at the dinner table. 10 conversation starters for the dinner table

It’s important that you have a holiday too, so if allowing the kids to be on screens each morning while you have some rest and quiet time for yourself works for you, then do that.

However, if you’re really brave, you might like to leave all the devices at home. The kids will most likely protest and beg you to bring them, but you’ll be amazed at how quickly the kids will adjust and make their own fun. The kids we spoke to when designing ScreenCoach recognised how dependent they were on their devices and were actually grateful when their parents took them away, even though it was a tough adjustment at first. The kids may even thank you for being strong at the end of the holiday as they realise how much fun is to be had without the constant allure of screens!

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